Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
