i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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