If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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