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he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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