in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
