wrigley field is MILF paradise
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
