you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
