There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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