Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
