Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
