too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
