what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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