I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
