It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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