I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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