Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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