Say something about gay babies.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
