guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
