listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
