Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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