I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
