Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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