I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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