i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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