My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
