So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's Friday. Sex?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
