There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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