Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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