Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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