next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
