i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
