Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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