if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
