i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
