we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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