I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
