On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
