I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
