While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
