woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
