just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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