Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
