I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
