wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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