I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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