Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize