and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
