My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
