Don't you send me to vm
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Two words: blizzard sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
