Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
