look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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