Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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