Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
