ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
