he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
