and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
