I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she pinky promised me she was 18
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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