so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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