you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
