Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
