i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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