Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
