i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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