you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
