this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
