I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
