Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
