You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize