my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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