Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
